Keeping it real...

I’m in a van, what a surprise! I am on an all day trip to get to the border of Thailand and Malaysia to renew my Thai visa. Sounds like fun eh’!?! Get out, get stamped out of Thailand, walk a few meters, get stamped into Malaysia, then stamped out, then stamped back into Thailand. Ridiculous, I know! Anyway, the driver is going way too fast around these curves and Thai music is blaring in my ear. But I can’t complain, I am spending this sweltering day in an air-conditioned van, and that in itself is a little treat after the last few days in the hot sun and in our sauna of a room! I don’t know how many hours I have clocked on public transportation over the past 3.5 months, but it is a lot! You don’t end up in a new town every few days without paying your dues to buses, songtaows, motor bikes, taxis, and tuktuks!

So I have been backpacking in SE Asia for 3.5 months now. I have been to Thailand, Cambodia, Malaysia, the Philippines, and I just bought my ticket to Vietnam for August 2^nd. What an adventure it has been! I have lived out of my backpack, slept in some amazing and some not so amazing places, met some interesting people and some not-so-right-in-the-head people, seen the world, eaten some delicious food, and I have found my way through Asia with my best friend! Pretty awesome when you look at it like that huh!!??... or I guess it’s actually pretty awesome no matter which way you look at it!

I am all too aware that it is neither fair nor deserved, but I am one of the lucky ones for this moment, so I am going to live it up. J All the while, never growing numb to how amazing it is and never forgetting that there are suffering and struggling people in the world. It doesn’t affect me lightly that my life is great, amazing, colorful, fun, and interesting, and that a lot of people cannot even use the word “good or decent” to describe their lives. I have teetered between feeling guilty and feeling blessed throughout my entire adult life, including while traveling. I will never feel at peace that I am the way I am because of where I was born, but I have come to a healthy point in which I can acknowledge the disparity and injustice in the world and still live my own life respectfully and humbly. But still, over the past week I have been wondering when enough is enough, or enough is maybe too much…? Am I having more fun and more experiences than I deserve?

M y wonderful friends here recently reminded me that I am spending WAAAY less money per day here on this “holiday” (alternate lifestyle) than I would be on an average, simple life in the US. My $20/day here equals $600/month. I can’t pay rent and still have a life and eat or drive anywhere on $600/month back in the US. And when I think of it that way, I realize that I am not living some extreme, selfish, indulgent life here… I am living on a tight budget, taking the worst possible modes of transportation just to save a buck, staying in the cheapest accommodations with mold, dirt, bugs, and rodents, eating food from street stalls for a dollar, and quite realistically, living a life closer to the way most people in the world live (minus a few of the extra fun things like scuba diving, site seeing, and rock climbing of course). My skin is visibly dirty, my clothes are incredibly soiled, and my hair is literally falling out for some weird unknown reason. But, I LOVE IT ALL!

So as my trip is coming to the last month or so, I remind myself to keep enjoying every day for what it is. I soak in the people and the cultures, and know that I am changed by this experience. I will always be thankful for the opportunity I have to be here, but will no longer feel guilty that all my friends, family, and struggling people in the word are not in my shoes.

So, with one very full passport and only 3 more hours left on this air conditioned van, I’m ready to clear my mind, pop in my head phones, close my eyes, and remember that I am in THAILAND BABY, theres an elephant walking down the street, and tomorrow, I am heading to my most awaited destination yet… Rai-lay….

To be continued…